


Incorrect Inspector Gadget

by DovahCourts



Series: Incorrect Quotes [5]
Category: Inspector Gadget (Cartoon), Inspector Gadget (Live Action Movies)
Genre: F/F, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 359
Words: 12,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22867528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DovahCourts/pseuds/DovahCourts
Summary: Am I impulsive? YesCan I control my impulses? Barely
Relationships: Doctor Claw/Inspector Gadget (Inspector Gadget), Lana Lamour/Sue Donym
Series: Incorrect Quotes [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1401565
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	1. Had it not been

**Gadget:** Had it been not for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.


	2. Cliffhanger

**Talon:** So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Gadget does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?

 **Penny:** If Gadget were to jump off a cliff, he would’ve done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Gadget jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

 **Talon:** You jump off a cliff!

 **Penny:** Gladly. Provided Gadget did first.


	3. EXCEPT THAT I AM

**Gadget:** You’re right. I’m not gonna fight them.

 **Gadget:** *looks at the danger then back at Penny*

 **Gadget:** EXCEPT THAT I AM! *runs towards the danger*


	4. Too sober

**Gadget:** *watching chaos being caused by M.A.D*

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** I’m too sober for this shite.


	5. existence is a prison

**Gadget, wearing glasses and a white dress suit while holding a tequila:** Birth is a curse and existence is a prison.


	6. I’m-sorry-I-got-you-shot

**Gadget in the hospital @ his evil clone:** I looked for an ‘I’m-sorry-I-got-you-shot’ card, but they were all out.


	7. We’re all gonna die, Talon.

**Talon:** Penny, I feel like I’m going to die.

 **Penny:** We’re all gonna die, Talon.

 **Talon:** I meant soon.

 **Penny:** So did I.


	8. You cannot kill me in a way that matters

**Gadget:** Potest te sentire corde ardoribus? Tu sentis in certamen? Me nihil praeter animum metu possunt. Ut in rebus mihi non licet interficere.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** W h a t ?

 **Gadget:** Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's that fucking mushroom


	9. I love you too egg!

**Gadget:** “I love you” How cute!

 **Gadget:** I love you too egg!

**Sue Donym:**


	10. Life's a party

**Gadget:** Life’s a party and I’m the Piñata


	11. Well I guess he could be dead by now.

**John Brown** : You can’t– He’s not.

 **John Brown:** You can’t kill people in a soundstage, MY soundstage!

 **Sanford Scolex:** You rented it to me.

 **John Brown:** YOU SAID IT WASN’T ILLEGAL! I’m not apart of this.

 **Sanford Scolex:** John-

 **John Brown:** THERE’S A DEAD GUY- In my soundstage!

 **Sanford Scolex:** John! He’s not dead he’s just-

 **Sanford Scolex:** Well I guess he could be dead by now.


	12. how the fuck are you even alive??

**Sanford:** I guess you could say that I’ve fallen for you, John.

 **John:** You literally just rolled down eight flights of stairs how the fuck are you even alive??

??


	13. get your fucking flashlight out of my face.

**Gadget:** Claw, get your fucking flashlight out of my face. I can’t see shit.

 **Gadget:** I don’t care if “my eyes are glowing” and “humans can’t do that”, turn off your fucking torch and stop screaming you idiot


	14. YOU DRANK SHAMPOO?!

**Gadget @ Claw:** That’s not what I wanted to– YOU DRANK SHAMPOO?!


	15. House arrest is just a cheap excuse to get laid.

**Gadget:** Scolex, I’m putting you under house arrest for crimes.

 **Claw:** House arrest is just a cheap excuse to get laid.


	16. he’s mine.

**Claw:** I hate Gadget, I hate him so much.

 **Villain:** OK! I’ll get rid of him for ya then!

 **Claw:** Do that and I’ll end you, he’s mine.


	17. My husband! Even better!

**Sanford:** Ha! That’s my boyfriend you suckers!

 **John:** Scolex, I’m your husband.

 **Sanford:** My husband! Even better!


	18. That’s a hookers name.

**Claw:** Penny? That’s a hookers name.

 **Penny:** What’s a hooker?

 **Claw:** Ask your uncle


	19. chocolate cake

**Gadget:** Penny did you eat your uncle-in-law’s chocolate cake?

 **Penny:** Sanford said if I wanted something I should get it.

 **Gadget:** Oh did he now? *glances over at Claw*


	20. cold brew coffee

**Claw:** I’m babysitting for Gadget and accidentally gave the Gadgetinis cold brew coffee instead of chocolate milk


	21. Old Tricks

**Claw:** [races out of bank, his arms full of gold as alarm sounds]

 **Gadget:** You haven’t been up to your old tricks, have you, Scolex?

 **Claw:** No, dear, it’s my money, I just didn’t want to fill out the forms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quote: Father Ted


	22. Up in Smoke

**Gadget:** So our only evidence is currently in your lungs?

 **Claw:** [amused] Aah, you really wanted to say “up in smoke” then, didn’t you?

 **Gadget:** [not amused] No. No, I most definitely did not.


	23. A Horrible Irony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Lucifer TV AU

**Gadget:** I can’t believe that I would let myself care for him again. I mean, why? So I get hurt?

 **Сlaw:** Um, no, because you’re a kind person who puts the needs of others before your own. It’s a horrible irony that my Father invented.


	24. Hot Milky

**Judge:** How do you plead?

 **Gadget:** *mouthing ‘Not Guilty’*

**Claw:**

**Claw:** Hot Milky.

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** Take him away.


	25. A Drug Problem

**Gadget:** He had a drug problem, right?

 **Claw:** Well, only if you consider ingesting millions of dollars of cocaine a problem. I call it a Tuesday. But apparently it’s frowned upon.


	26. I have to Kill him

**Claw:** *talking about Gadget* I have to kill him,

 **Claw:** I don’t know how to hit on him, so he has to die.

 **Talon:** Have you considered taking advice?

 **Claw:** I have never thought about that before in my life,


	27. Would you like a knife, too?

**John:** WHY did you give Penny a knife, she’s 8!

 **Sanford:** The poor thing felt unsafe, so, being the good to be uncle-in-law I am, I simply gave her a knife.

 **John:** Great! Now I feel unsafe!

 **Sanford:** Would you like a knife, too, darling?


	28. He’s still crying in the bathroom right now.

**Claw:** I accidentally stabbed Gadget and I was going to say “are you OK?” and “I’m so fucking sorry” but I said “Are you fucking sorry?” instead.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** He’s still crying in the bathroom right now.


	29. SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN!

**Gadget:** We are here to learn how to treat each other with respect and dignity

 **Gadget:** SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN!


	30. Mmm, I don’t think so.

**M.A.D agent:** You are going to Hell, little man!

 **Gadget:** *smug* Mmm, I don’t think so.


	31. She likes to be tall.

**Talon:** Why is M.A.D Cat on the counter?

 **Gadget:** She likes to be tall.


	32. Gadget Goes Feral

**Gadget:** *loud screaming*

 **Gadget:** I GeT iT mY MoM DIDN’T WANT ME

 **Gadget:** WHY DOES HE THINK ‘K’ IS A VALID REPLY

 **Gadget, sitting on a closet:** im going feral

 **Gadget:** Shut the FUck- Nozzaire! SHUT THE FUCK-

 **Gadget:** *more screaming*

 **Gadget, about to wack a M.A.D agent with a broom:** My mommy issues ARE MY ISSUES!

 **Gadget, running across the street:** Where’s PENNNYYYYY

 **Gadget:** *soft screaming until he calms down*

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** Anyways.


	33. IS HE TRYING TO

**Penny @ Talon:** I was coughing loud last night, and Uncle Gadget came into my room with a pillow and he was just standing over me. I rolled over and I was like, “What are you doing?” and he just ran out the room crying and I’m like. “IS HE TRYING TO KILL ME?”


	34. YOU CANT KIN

**Gadget:** You CAN’T KIN A VERB

 **Talon:** Yes I can!

 **Gadget:** YOU C A N ’ T


	35. You are not this dumb

**Lana Lamour:** Do you ever wish you could just like, start over?

 **Gadget:** Well, if you want to restart the Mario Stage, you just gotta pause the game.

**Lana:**

**Lana:** You are not this stupid, Inspector Gadget.


	36. Should I not have

**Gadget:** Did you just refer to a knife as a “people opener”?

 **Claw:** Should I not have?


	37. Do not touch the charre crotch!

**Gadget:** [to Claw] Do not touch the charred crotch!… is a sentence I never thought I’d say out loud.


	38. That really hurt penny

**Penny:** Uncle Gadget you look like you got hit by a truck and fell into a pit of acid that was on fire.

**Gadget, bleeding from the head and disheveled:**

**Gadget:** That really hurt Penny.


	39. birthday boyy.

**Evil Gadget:** Heyheyheyy c'maahn I’m a little guy, I’m just a little guyy, noo, it’s also my birthday, I’m a little birthday boyy.


	40. now go chop his dick off

**Sue:** He doesn’t deserve you, if he doesn’t treat you right by now. You’re gone.

 **Gadget:** I’m gone,

 **Sue:** N o w go chop his d i c k o f f


	41. Gadget speaks Latin again

**Gadget, supposed to be dead but not:** Tu fatue egerunt, et non moriatur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation  
> (Translation: You have done foolishly, and I will not be put to death.)


	42. I got these assholes

**Gadget:** Last week, I told my assistant

__

 **Gadget, wearing green sunglasses:** Kramer, arrange for me to host a picnic for our top preforming agents this month.

__

 **Gadget:** I got these assholes.


	43. Don't talk to me or my sons

**Gadget, holding the gadgetinis in his arms:** Don’t talk to me, or my sons ever again.


	44. Grey's Anatomy night

**Sue Donym:** How about I take you out for a date night every Thursday?

 **Gadget:** Well, Thursday night is Grey’s Anatomy, but any other night would be great.


	45. Since we got blood on our hands

**Sanford:** We murdered someone.

 **John:** What do you mean ‘we’?! I had nothing to do with that!

 **Sanford:** I thought we were a team

 **John:** Since / _when_ / did you honestly consider us a team?

 **Sanford:** Since we got blood on our hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quote from word father


	46. Just open it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gadget gives his bro a gift

**Christopher:** Promise you didn’t get me bees again.

 **Gadget, standing from a distance:** Just open it!


	47. There's two of them

**Gadget, upon seeing Dr. Thaw:** Dear God, there’s two of them.


	48. We can't die

**Fidget:** I feel like I’m going to die.

 **Digit:** We’re robots. We can’t die.


	49. I. Fucking. Hate. It. Here

**Gadget:** I. Fucking. Hate. It. Here. The rest of the Trenchcoat Gang make me wear my old Mafia clothes and shout “Go, Abel! Go!”


	50. Where's your liqour

**Dr Thaw:** Where’s your liqour?

**Gadget:** At 11 A.M?

**Dr Thaw:** Why, does it move around the day?


	51. Talon's dad...

**Nobody:**

**Talon’s dad:** *busting the doors open with a Cockatoo* BIRD IS THE WORD!


	52. Gadget's family

**Penny:** So let me get this straight, you have over 16 siblings. Five of them biological and the rest adopted.

 **Gadget:** Yes.

 **Fidget:** And they’re coming to visit?

 **Gadget:** Yep.

 **Digit:** ALL of them?

 **Gadget:** Well, maybe- yeah all of them. My dad’s busy with his work, where ever he works at. Let’s just hope none of them call me “Baby bro” again.

 **Penny:** Why is that?

 **Gadget:** My dad never adopted anyone younger than me. I am still the youngest out of them all. They constantly terrorize me in my everyday life.


	53. Can't have shit in detroit

**Gadget, trying to take the day off without something remotely going wrong:** Can’t have shit in Detroit


	54. Twelve months of absolute fuckery

[at the New Year’s eve party]

 **Gadget, raising his glass:** I would like to offer a toast.

 **Gadget:** I cannot believe already gone through another twelve months of absolute fuckery.

 **Gadget:** Cheers, folks.


	55. Surprise me

**Claw, after realizing how short Gadget is compared to him:** Not sure whether to punt you or crush you.

 **Gadget:** Surprise me.


	56. Name him

**Thaw:** Name him. Name your Son,  
 **Dactyl:**  
 **Dactyl:** Talon  
 **Thaw:**  
 **Thaw:** You are officially banned from naming any living thing.


	57. Aurora Borealis

**Gadget:** Good Lord! What is happening in there?!

**Claw, in disguise:**

**Claw:** Aurora Borealis

 **Gadget:** I- Aurora Borealis, at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely in that room where the weird machinery sounds are coming from?

 **Claw:** Uh… yes.

 **Gadget:** May I see it?

 **Claw:** No


	58. You fucken' take that back

**Thaw:** How does it feel to be worse Lieutenant ever, eh?

 **Gadget:** Shut up! Your mother buys you mega blocks instead of legos.

 **Thaw:** You fucken' take that back-


	59. This isn't about him

**Claw:** Out here living my best life.

 **Gadget:** Talon is drowning.

 **Claw:** This isn’t about him


	60. Gadget's demon Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stole it from Hell

**Demon Cat:** ˈfäT͟Hər I krāv dir legs

 **Gadget:** I already fed you two minutes ago, I’m not going out into the woods to feed you again.

 **Demon Cat:** I SHəl imˈpriz(ə)n ˈfäT͟Hər for 1,000 yirs.

 **Gadget:** Well, isn’t that petty?


	61. Inspector Gadget but things are going horribily wrong.

**Gadget:** It’s not like I’m going to commit manslaughter

10 mins later

 **Gadget:** *starts crying in a building full of water*

–

 **Gadget:** Go ahead! Stab me! I dare you!

–

 **Gadget:** Haha, i’m not drinking vodka, this is vinegar.

–

 **Gadget:** Claw, if you don’t stop your bullshit I will go apeshit.

–

 **Gadget:** I am, as the youths say. Straight up not having a good time.

–

 **Gadget:** Bold of you to assume I can die. You utter fool.

–

 **Gadget:** You know what. I’m about to say it.

 **Claw:** Say it.

 **Gadget:** I don’t care that you lost your arm.

–

 **Gadget:** Welcome back to me screaming!

 **Gadget:** *screams into the void*

–

 **Gadget:** Hey everybody, today my brother, Christopher tried to kill me again. So I’m starting a kickstarter to get rid of him.

 **Gadget:** The benefits of getting rid of him is that he won’t try to kill me again.

–

 **Claw:** I got you now, Gadget!

 **Demon Cat:** *gargling sounds*

 **Claw:** What the fuck! Get your demon!

 **Gadget:** She doesn’t bite.

 **Claw, trying to shake the demon cat off his leg:** Yes she does! Get your FUCKING DEMON-

–

 **Gadget @ himself in the mirror:** Aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you just want to go absolute apeshit?

–

 **Fidget:** You doing OK?

 **Gadget:** This is fine, I’m fine. Things are going to be OK.

–

 **Gadget:** I’m going to see if they know what to do during a fire. *sets a trash can on fire*

–

 **Talon:** Dude, something’s wrong with your cat.

 **Gadget:** I am not responsible for any injuries or missing persons that Fluffy might’ve done.

 **Talon:** What?

 **Gadget:** Oh! She hasn’t done anything yet, that’s good. Alright then. Look, kid, I’m gonna have to erase your memory about this. Hold still so I can get the Memory Flasher- waIT- GET BACK HERE!

–

 **Thaw:** Today’s forecast, we can clearly see that somebody got me fucked up!


	62. You mother fuckin bitch!

**Fidget:** Can I say a bad word? Can I say a bad word!?

 **Gadget, cracking up:** Sure.

 **Fidget @ M.A.D Agent:** You motherfucking bitch!


	63. Do I sound like a mermaid?

**Gadget:** Oh fuck me-

 **Gadget:** [chasing after teenager] Kramer! Some asshole teenager stole my Celluar!

___

 **Gadget:** Kramer, I can see a squirrel.

—

 **Gadget:** [In tree] Kramer, the squirrel got away.

—

 **Gadget:** Kramer, my sons are in town, schedule the hugs at noon, movie night at- obviously night, the rest, just check the board.

—

 **Gadget:** [drops celluar in water] Oh-

 **Gadget:** Kramer, do I sound like a mermaid?


	64. The Good Place?

**Gadget:** Lana, I can see that you're worried, and I just want to assure you, I am not human, and I cannot feel pain.

 **Lana:** Ah, thank you. That helps.

 **Gadget:** However, I should warn you... I am programmed with a fail-safe measure. As you approach the kill switch, I will begin to beg for my life. It's just there in case of an accidental shut down, but it will seem very real.

 **Sue:** Cool. So who's doing this, me or you?

 **Lana:** I think I have to. Um, being a bystander seems worse, somehow. Okay, here we go.

[Lana walks towards the kill switch]

 **Gadget:** [begging] Lana, no, no, no! Lana, please! Please, please, please don't hurt me. I don't want to die! Please, please...

 **Lana:** Ah!

[Lana jumps back]

 **Gadget:** Again, I am not human. I can't die. I am simply an anthropomorphized vessel of knowledge built to make your life easier.

 **Lana:** Your pleading seems so real.

 **Gadget:** Oh, yes, it is a very effective fail-safe.


	65. Don't you?

**Kramer:** I think Mr. Gadget’s looking a little tired, don’t you?

 **Gadget:** *screams*


	66. Talon's dad again

**Talon’s dad, Dactyl:** You can say “have a nice day.” and no problem.

 **Dactyl:** But you can’t say “enjoy the next 24 hours!” and not sound vaguely threatening.

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** …how did you get into my house?


	67. The Best dad!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no he's not

**Dactyl:** What do you mean! I'm the best dad!

 **Gadget:** You left your son the same day your wife went missing.

 **Dactyl: **That's all in the past! Besides I'm here now, so, I can spend time with my son!

** Gadget: **

**Gadget: ***sighs*


	68. Get out of my house?

**Dactyl:** What’s that one thing that I get told a lot?

 **Gadget, tired and drowsy, not up for Dactyl’s bull:** Get out of my house?


	69. Blast his ass with tear gas

**Gadget @ Penny:** New lesson: if at first you don’t succeed, then blast his ass with tear gas.


	70. Not buying you all that meth

**Claw:** Put that candy back! I’m not buying you all that meth.


	71. Christopher doesn’t count.

**Penny:** Uncle Gadget, I thought you said you have 5 biological siblings. I only see 4

 **Gadget:** As of now, Christopher doesn’t count.


	72. you’ll forget the last 24 hours,

**Gadget:** *holding up Memory inhibitor* I’m sorry, I have to do this. It won’t hurt, but, you’ll forget the last 24 hours,


	73. Both are very horrible ideas.

**Gadget:** Claw’s too tall for me to see his face or to even fight him. What do I do?

**Constantine:** Summon demons.

**Castiel:** Stab his knees.

**Gadget:** Both are very horrible ideas. I don’t know how summoning demons is going to help, and stabbing his knees seem very mean.


	74. Tell me that again, and look me in the eyes.

**Talon:** You doing OK?

[Gadget standing with a harpoon embedded through his chest that would normally off a person]

**Gadget:** [attempting to pull out the harpoon] Tell me that again, and look me in the eyes.


	75. This is the 10th window that you broke

**Gadget:** Can you stop breaking into my house. Knock on the door like a normal person.

 **Dactyl:** I just came to say hi!

 **Gadget:** This is the 10th window that you broke.


	76. I do not

**Lana:** Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeves.

 **Gadget:** I think you mean cards.

 **Lana:** I do not.


	77. Are you talking about the piano ghosts.

**Fidget:** Are you sure you’re not gonna die?

 **Gadget:** Are you talking about the piano ghosts.

[Fidget screams, then cries]

 **Gadget:** [wiping tears away from Fidget’s face] I told you I’m going to be fine. Why are you still crying?

 **Fidget:** because his pajamas are gay.


	78. That's dry ice

**Gadget:** What’s that?

 **Lana:** That’s dry ice. Don’t touch it.

 **Gadget:** Why. Can I eat it then?

 **Lana:** It would be bad.

 **Gadget:** Explain bad.

 **Lana:** Imagine eating something that is so cold it would freeze your throat, tounge, and stomach only to cause your insides to explode into a million pieces at the speed of light.

 **Gadget:** [Knowing fully well that it won’t happen to him, since he’s 80% cybernetic] That would be bad.

 **Gadget** :

 **Gadget:** May I please have some.


	79. Harboring Demons

**Constantine:** Can you explain why you are harboring demons?

 **Gadget:** They were lonely.

 **Constantine:** Look here, luv, they are demons. From Hell.

 **Gadget:** Yeah… but they were lonely.

**Constantine:**

**Constantine:** You bloody ol’ bloke. You’ve done it again.


	80. Gadge's mom

**Gadget:** You never thought to tell me I had grandparents, or aunts and uncles, or cousins?!

[Gadget’s mother, Jezebel, looks at him, giving him a pitiful smug]

 **Jezebel:** John, dear… To be fair, I hated them all.

 **Gadget:** …

[Out of stilled anger Gadget tears a door off of its hinges and storms off]

 **Jezebel:** GABRIEL!


	81. Puppies don't waltz

**Claw:** Yes, back to my normal devilish self. No pesky empathy to be found. I’ll kick a puppy if one waltzed by. I’m joking, puppies don’t waltz.


	82. My sign language is rusty

**Claw:** You can’t get out of this Gadget, your gadgets have been shut off. Can’t use them to get out this time!

 **Gadget:** Pardon?

[Claw, about to repeat himself but gets cut off]

 **Gadget:** I can’t hear, you shut off my hearing aids.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** Dammit, well then. My sign language is a bit rusty but- [starts signing]


	83. Don't eat the fucking cat treats

**Lucien:** Don’t eat the fucking cat treats

 **Gadget:** No, it’s OK

 **Lucien:** Don’t, that’s absolutely revolting

 **Gadget:** It’s OK

 **Lucien:** Gadget, don’t you dare

 **Gadget:** It’s OK

 **Gadget:** It’s OK

 **Gadget:** It’s OK

**Lucien:**

**Gadget:**

**Lucien:** Did you eat the fucking cat treats

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** [Gagging noises]


	84. I've got an itch

**Gadget:** [signing "you're a bitch']

 **Thaw:** What did you just sign?

 **Gadget: **I've got an itch


	85. I lie to myself

**Nozzaire:** You stay positive. You always believe that everything is going to work out. How do you do it?

 **Gadget:** Well I’ll tell you my secret, sir!

 **Gadget:** [takes a breath] I lie to myself. Every morning when I wake up, I say ‘Everything’s gonna be okay.’ But I’m lying.

[Nozzaire tries to walk away, but Gadget stops him]

 **Gadget:** And I don’t know how much longer I can do it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: 30 Rock


	86. stop hitting my agents with guitars

**Claw:** Can you stop hitting my henchmen and the villians I hire to get you, with guitars!? Because of this they always run off when they see you with a guitar!

 **Gadget:** Oh, that is so sad. Go Go Gadget, play Heat of the Moment

 **Claw:** I hate you, I hate you so much.

 **Gadget:** [Getting into the Gadgetmobile] Love you too, luv. [drives off]


	87. This isn't a battle

**Claw:** This battle is boring.

 **Gadget:** This isn’t a battle, I told you I was going to the store.

 **Claw:** Then why’d you tell me to come here?

 **Gadget:** I did not! I specifically said “Don’t come here and start your bullshit” and you said “Fuck you, Gadget, I do what I want” and followed me.


	88. Gadget's not having it | 1

**Gadget:** Let’s go outside!

 **Lana:** Asshole! You locked me out!

 **Gadget:** This is my roommate, Lana.

 **Lana:** I had to sleep on a goddamn anthill last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote: Brandon Rogers


	89. Gadget's not having it | 2

**Gadget:** Food stamps, parole officer… Darling, these are all yours.

 **Lana:** My name ain’t asshole!

 **Gadget:** I can’t hear you right now, I’m trying to enjoy my milk.

 **Lana:** That’s not milk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote: Brandon Rogers


	90. It’s a Chevy.

**Lana:** Why does this one work and all the others don’t?

 **Gadget:** [smiling] It’s a Chevy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote: Vanishing on 7th street


	91. Better. a Bar

**Lucien:** [Waking to see Gadget] Am I in Heaven?

 **Lana:** Better. A bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Vanishing on 7th street


	92. Can we stop for a coffee?

**Gadget:** Pray tell me why I am your Parole Officer, Dactyl?

 **Dactyl:** Haha.. funny story. I set a lake on fire,

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** How the fuck do you do that.

 **Dactyl:** No need to ask why, now that you’re my Parole Officer. We can hang out, right buddy?

**Gadget:**

**Dactyl:**

**Dactyl:** I’ll take that as a yes, since you are shoving me into your car. Can we stop for a coffee?


	93. Trenchcoat gang

**Castiel:** Monster fucker, or monster lover?

 **Constantine:** Both.

**Castiel:** How do you get another sibling?

 **Gadget:** Bedtime tango.

 **Constantine:** BEDTIME TANGO

**Gadget:** I got me bones realigned, I got me bones realigned.

 **Gadget:** Fuck I didn’t mean to say that twice.

 **Dale:** It’s OK you’re just singing.

**Constantine:** I have to go to the chiropractors.

 **Gadget:** Bone extraction time.

**Gadget:** When I was 14 I found a hole in my bathroom floor, and I’d crack eggs into it.

 **Dale:** Why would you crack eggs.. into a bathroom floor, I—

 **Gadget:** I WAS 14

 **Constantine:** You see a hole in the floor and think “Yah imma crack eggs into that”

 **Gadget:** I mean, basically. Yeah.

**The Man in the Tan Jacket:** Also, it’s called dramatical murder so where’s the last d come from??

 **Dale:** Dramatical murder dope

 **Constantine:** Dramatical murder ~~dicks~~

**Castiel:** Gadget can have little glass shard, as a treat

**The Man in the Tan Jacket:** You crossed the line when you bought V-bucks

**The Man in the Tan Jacket:** the people allergic to gluten are quacking

 **Gadget:** cure my loneliness…

**The Man in the Tan Jacket:** 69 is my favorite colour of the alphabet, yes or frog.


	94. Fashion Issue

**Gadget:** Why does it take you so long to go out for our battle?

 **Claw:** Eyeliner mishaps,

 **Gadget:** This is a battle,

 **Claw:** And this is a fashion issue


	95. you’re short.

**Claw:** Haha, you’re short.

 **Gadget:** I will saw off your limbs while you sleep, you wanker.


	96. Bad hearing?

**Gadget:** From what I thought I had really bad hearing.

 **Gadget:** Turns out I was deaf after the whole explosion incident.


	97. I'm a Jo

**Dactyl:** Has anyone ever told you, you’re kind of a Blair?

 **Gadget:** What? Fuck you.

 **Dactyl:** ????

 **Gadget:** Seriously, fuck you.

 **Dactyl:** What?

 **Gadget:** I’m a Jo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Dead 2 Me


	98. Then die

**Gadget:** [untying himself from ropes and walking out of M.A.D headquarters] I’m leaving

 **Dactyl, who knows his brother has spent years trying to get Gadget:** No don’t go! I love you, I can’t live without you.

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** Then die, [walks away]


	99. That's bloody paint

**Dactyl:** Oh shit this juice is bangin’ yo.

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** That’s bloody paint, asshole.


	100. I had to kill him

**Claw:** I had to kill him. He was gonna rat me out!

 **Gadget:** Darling… do you even know how I find out you’re going to do one of your schemes?


	101. Yeah hang on

**Talon** : Penny, Gadget’s missing. Can you find him?

 **Penny** : Do you think I have him micro-chipped or something?

 **Talon** : Well, do you?

 **Penny** : [ _pause_ ] Yeah…, hang on.


	102. Do you want to go to apple bees?

**Lana:** Bismark is the Capital of North Dakota, but, Fargo is the largest city in the states,

 **Claw:** Stop talking about the states.

 **Gadget:** Do you want to go to Applebee’s?

 **Lana:** Sure, one second…

[Lana turns to Claw]

 **Lana:** Fuck you.


	103. lost theee game

**Dactyl:** lossttttt thheeheeheee gahaamamememe

 **Gadget:** One of these days you will meet whatever scooped out a place for you in this world and you will have to explain why you filled it with such rage and chaos and that being will not be as merciful as we are.

 **Thaw:** This place is hell I keep losing the game whenever I check in

 **Gadget:** _i will prematurely send your bones back into nature for your insistent crimes_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> source from my friends Discord


	104. Incorrect quote batch

**Gadget:** Why don't we just relax and turn on the radio?Would you like AM or FM?!

\---

 **Evil Gadget** **Clone:** [Coughs]

 **Claw:** Evil Gadget, are you sick?

 **E!Gadget:** Yeah... do you think I can get a bowl of chicken noodle soup?

 **Claw:** No, just... fucking shut up and die slowly, OK?

 **E!Gadget:** OK.

\---

 **Gadget:** [standing on the top of the cupboards]

Only eggs can contain me.

\---

 **Gadget:** But, perhaps it is the context. Of which words are spoke through, that give them the

power of meaning..

 **Gadget @ Brain:** I LOVE YOU DOG

\---

 **Gadget:** The best way to deal with migraines is to drink 4 cups of coffee. So far, it's not working.

\---

 **Gadget:** [pours himself some cereal but gets lemons instead]

 **Gadget:** WELP. WHEN LIFE GIVES YA LEMONS.

\---

 **Claw:** Remember one time where I told you I liked you?

 **Gadget:** No?

 **Claw:** Good cause.. it never happened!

 **Gadget:** Aw..

 **Claw:** Haha! Ooh!

\---

 **Thaw:** [interviewing his new agents] Go on and introduce yourselves.

 **Michael:** My name is Michael, with a B, and I've been afraid of insects my entire life.

 **Thaw:** Wait wait. Hold on right there.

 **Michael:** What?

 **Thaw:** Where's the B?

 **Michael:** THERE'S A BEE?!


	105. a quicky?

**John:** Do you want a quicky?

 **Sanford:** [spitting out his wine] WHAT?! Right now?? I’m in the middle of scheming!

 **John, holding out a pan of quiche:** No time to eat a quicky?

 **Sanford:** [mumbling] Dear Lord Almighty, it’s quiche. It’s a god forsaken quiche. [normal volume of voice] It’s pronounced quiche, John, dear… and yes, I would like one.


	106. Don't patronize me

**“Devon”:** Say, why don’t we put your gadgets to use on my case? Could come in pretty handy.

 **Gadget:** Don’t patronize me, Devon.


	107. fuck, not again

**Claw:** I got you now Gadg-

 **Gadget:** [starts coughing up blood]

 **Gadget:** …oh fuck… not again

**Claw:**

**Claw:** WHAT THE _FUCK_?!


	108. Kramer Von Slickstein

**Gadget:** Kramer Von Slickstein, what did you do to my guts?

 **Slickstein:** I replaced them!

 **Gadget:** I’m coughing up blood because of that.

**Slickstein:**

**Slickstein:** uh oh.. i should’ve listened to Brenda.

 **Gadget:** WHY DID YOU REPLACE MY ORGANS

 **Slickstein:** I THOUGHT IT’D BE COOL!


	109. WHY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gadget learned it from Constantine,

**Claw:** You did WHAT

 **Gadget:** Put myself under cardiac arrest for a case.

 **Claw:** WHY

 **Gadget:** It helps me sees through the eyes of the victim or missing persons.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** And I thought I was the mad one.


	110. But i'm not stupid

**Gadget:** I may be a bumbling idiot, but I’m not stupid.


	111. We haves cookies

**MAD AGENT 1:** Knock!

 **Gadget:** Who is it?

 **MAD AGENT 1:** Uh… who is it?

 **MAD AGENT 2:** Say it’s… say it’s the the tax people.

 **MAD AGENT 1:** The taxes!

 **Gadget:** You can’t come in!

**MAD AGENT 1:**

**MAD AGENT 2:**

**MAD AGENT 2:** Tell him were gonna fucking kill his entire family if he doesn’t let us in.

**MAD AGENT 1:**

**MAD AGENT 1:** We have’s cookies!


	112. THE ONE THING IM SENSITIVE ABOUT

**Kid:** Haha! Look at that high waisted man, he got feminine hips!

 **Gadget:** NO THATS THE ONE THING IM SENSITIVE ABOUT


	113. lick the swing set

**Gadget:** Hey, remember that time you dared me to lick the swing set?

 **Penny:** No, I said “Uncle Gadget, don’t lick the swing set,” and you said “Don’t tell me what to do, Penny.” And then you licked the swing set.


	114. Did do those thigns

**The Chameleon:** Hello!

 **Talon:** Wait, are you Gadget?

 **The Chameleon:** What do you think? I knocked him out, hid him in a bush somewhere and stole his identity? Of course I’m Gadget!

___

 **The Chameleon:** I in-fact, did do those things.


	115. You have been so rude

**Claw:** Gadget, do you think I’ve been a dick to everybody?

**Gadget:**

**Claw:** I need you to answer me dear, please. Please tell me I’m a good person. Please, deep down, just tell me I’m a good person.

 **Gadget:** [slowly turns his head to face Claw]

 **Gadget:** Bitch.

 **Gadget:** You have been so bloody rude. To everyone. All the time.


	116. He's got anxiety!

**Brenda:** I gave him gadgets to save his life!

 **Scolex:** I blew him up.

 **Kramer:** What you two did was ruin a perfectly good human being!

 **Kramer:** [pointing at Gadget, who is both tapping his foot and hand all while sweating nervously] Look at him! He’s got anxiety!


	117. The reward money

**Gadget:** Scolex, WHAT did you do.

 **Claw:** Why do you think I did something?

 **Gadget:** *sighs* If I see your face on the news tomorrow for some shit, I’m getting the reward money for myself.

 **Claw, sweating:** No need to worry about that, I didn’t do anything…

 **Gadget:** *looks at Claw*

**Claw:**

**Claw:** *grabs TV and runs*


	118. I SAID I WANTED MCDONALDS

**Gadget:** I SAID I WANTED MCDONALD’S.

 **Claw:** Yeah, and I bought you McDonald’s.

 **Gadget:** I MEANT A BIG MAC OR SOMETHING. NOT THE ENTIRE COMPANY.


	119. The love of my life

[At an awards show]

 **Claw:** Well, first of all, I’d like to thank Gadget, the love of my life, for telling me Steeltoe was going to win so don’t bother to prepare a speech.


	120. We thought you knew

**Claw:** Okay, yeah, I _LOVE_ Gadget! I have loving feelings for Gadget. But does that mean I am _IN_ love with him? No-

 **Claw:** Oh my god. I’m in love with Gadget.

 **Claw, to his two goons:** Why didn’t you guys tell me?

 **Kramer:** [Giving RoboGadget legs] We thought you knew.


	121. Love/Hate

**Steeltoe, to Gadget and Claw:** I understand you two have this love/hate relationship, but most people alternate between those emotions. They don’t experience them at the same time.


	122. You need a hobby

**Thaw:** You need a hobby.

 **Claw** : I have a hobby.

 **Thaw** : Watching Gadget through monitors, getting his attention with M.A.D agents and over all being obsessed with him is not a hobby.

 **Claw:** You’re right. It’s a profession and I excel at my job.


	123. Ah yes

**Claw:** Ah yes.. me, my nemisis/boyfriend. And my fat cat who thinks she can be a sly fox and steal him from me.

 **Gadget:** Is your skin made of the softest fur known to man? No, you can’t compete.


	124. Did you hear me say?

**Claw:** You and me? We both want the same thing… But we’re gonna have to work… [turns away] near each other.

 **Gadget:** You mean together?

 **Claw, swinging back around angrily:** Did you hear me say together??


	125. that’s not how grounding works

**Talon:** I’m… grounded?

 **Claw:** Yes, you’re grounded!

 **Gadget:** You disobeyed an order, luv.

 **Claw, holding a shovel:** And now, we’re gonna bury you until you’ve learned your lesson!

 **Gadget:** Scolex, that’s not how grounding works


	126. "hate" Gadget

**Claw:** I hate Gadget. [pins another picture of Gadget on his “scheming” bulletin board]


	127. Two Trucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY GADGET WOULD NEVER DO RHIS

**Claw:** Gadget probably listens to happy music like a coward

 **Talon:** Mmm, i don’t think so.

Meanwhile at Gadget’s house.

 **Gadget:** [listening to Two Trucks as he vacuums his kitchen]


	128. I'm still blind

**Talon:** OK open your eyes and tell me what you think.

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** I’m still blind, luv, what are you trying to achieve?


	129. Nice sunny day

**Thaw:** Why must the inspector be here, brother?

 **Claw:** Because I said so.

 **Gadget:** It's none of your bloody business, Thaw.

 **Thaw:** What the fuck did you just say to me.

 **Gadget:** [Looking out the window where a snowstorm is happening] I said it's a nice sunny day, innit?


	130. ISNT IT OBVIOUS

**Talon:** Have you seen a therapist?

 **Gadget, freaking** **out:** YES! ISN’T IT OBVIOUS?!


	131. Great Gatsby

**Claw:** Gadget what are you doing?

 **Gadget:** [looking outside the window] Have you read the Great Gatsby, Scolex?

**Claw:**

**Claw:** How’d you get into my god damn Library.

 **Gadget:** You seem to forget I’m adept at lockpicking.


	132. Mr. G I'm so sorry

**Talon** : Imagine touching a cursed object and becoming a Forest God. Couldn’t be me!

 **Gadget** :

 **Talon** :

 **Talon** : _Mr. G, I’m so sorry._


	133. Why in the world

**Claw:** [monitoring Gadget] Why in the world does he need gloves that nearly go all the way up to his elbows?? What are they even for?!


	134. Violence is never the answer

**Claw:** Violence is never the answer.

 **Gadget:** Says the man who literally tired to steer a meteorite towards earth, which could’ve ended up in everyone dying,

**Claw:**

**Claw:** Touché..


	135. Listen up Tops

**Gadget:** [waltzing in, holding a knife] Listen up Tops, a Bottom is speaking.


	136. You wanna shag me so bad

**Sanford:** You should be addicted to shutting the fuck up.

 **John:** You wanna shag me so bad it makes you look stupid.


	137. Cup of Ice

**Thaw:** I heard you’re fraternizing with Gadget.

 **Claw:** Yeah,

 **Claw:** Have I told you about the time where he got mad at me and I asked him for a cup of water. He came back with a cup of ice and told me to wait.

**Thaw:**

**Thaw:** [sigh]


	138. Reverse Toothfairy

**Gadget:** i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed. Like a dentist.

**Talon:**

**Talon:** i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police


	139. Because I said yes

**Gadget:** Why did I marry you?

 **Claw:** Because I said yes!


	140. Cat comes home with me

**Gadget upon seeing a cat:** This is coming home with me.


	141. Why don't you see things in my perspective?

**Gadget:** Why can’t you guys see things in my perspective?

 **Everybody else in H.Q/W.O.M.P that’s tall:** [Either kneeling down, bending down or sitting]

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** [begins to look at his hands as he resists an urge to slap someone]


	142. Ugh, Brits

**Claw:** Ugh, Brits.

 **Gadget:** Aussies.

 **Claw:** Poms.

 **Gadget:** Convicts.

 **Gadget & Claw:** Wankers!


	143. One thing they have in common

**Constantine:** Whats the one thing we have in common?

 **Gadget:** Trauma?

**Constantine:**

**Constantine:** [lighting up cigarette] Yep, sounds about right, luv.


	144. The same thing

**Quimby:** Now, Penny, Gadget would never say “fuck” he may be an angry Brit, but he will not say-

 **Gadget, currently mad:** MAD Agents are effin’ blokes I tell ya. I can’t remember the last time I got sleep, much less a break!

 **Quimby:** That’s not fuck, so it doesn’t count

 **Penny:** It… it means the same thing.


	145. I would be creeped out

**Gadget:** Talon has been looking at me, kind of, a lot, all week. I would be creeped out by it, but, it's nothing compared to the way Claw looks at me.


	146. 100 gecs

**Gadget:** If I were to force Claw to listen to 100 GECs he’d go down like a led balloon..


	147. Wait I said that

**Gadget:** STOP MAKING BAD DECISIONS AT 3 A.M JUST GO TO SLEEP

 **Gadget:** Shut the fuck up

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** Wait I said that.


	148. Stitchss

**Gadget:** Stop squirming around you bleedin’ blighter, or else.

 **Claw:** Or else what?

 **Gadget:** Or else I’m going to unstitch your wounds, pour salt into them, and replace the stitches with the non dissolvable ones.

**Claw:**

**claw:** [unintelligable mumbling]


	149. I'm rude now

**Lana:** Hey Gadget!

 **Gadget:** Yeah? Fuck?

 **Lana:** Language!

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** I’m rude now,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out I did A LOT of these


	150. This… is a bucket.

**Quimby:** This… is a bucket.

 **Gadget:** Dear God…

 **Quimby:** There’s more.

 **Gadget:** No…


	151. Violence

**Gadget,** **in a gruff** **tone:** Violence  
[Gadget kicks over a chair]  
 **Gadget:**  
 **Gadget:** I don't want to be violent anymore :(


	152. definitely had nothing to do with?

**Claw:** Gadgets an effin' boofhead  
\---  
  
 **Claw:** You're being a bit dodgy, what're you doing  
 **Gadget:** Oh hey, luv, you wanna help me bury some bloke in the desert that I definitely had nothing to do with?  
 **Claw:  
Claw: **What


	153. That can cut my penis off

**Claw** : [To Talon] You are 70 pounds, I weigh triple what your weight is, I am four times faster than you. You have nothing that can says you can cut my penis off!

 **William** : [snickering]


	154. These are marbles

**Dactyl:** Mike's hard bubble tea!  
 **Gadget:**   
**Gadget:** These are marbles..


	155. five years older

**Claw:** Silence young fool  
 **Gadget:** I am _literally_ five years older than you


	156. Tired of being nice

**Gadget:** I am tired of being nice, I AM GOING to go APESHIT


	157. Vampire

**Claw:** What makes you think I'm a vampire, John. Obviously, I'm not.  
 **Gadget:** Why do you lie.


	158. Back seats arsonist

**Gadget:** You bailed!? OK!? Nobody likes backseat arsonist!

 **Claw:** OK, fine. But just so you know, you should be careful using a hydrocarbon-based fuel.


	159. Tits to Teeth

**Gadget:** We're doing this tits to teeth.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** Tits to teeth?

 **Gadget:** Penny told me that it was a saying


	160. connected the dots

**Gadget:** I’ve connected the dots.

**Claw:** You didn’t connect shit.

**Gadget:** I’ve connected them.


	161. Neosporin

**Claw:** Neosporin doesn’t work that quick.

 **Gadget:** Sure it does, when I was a kid I had a brick fall onto my head, neosporin, boom. Quick healing, didn’t need stitches.

 **Claw:** Y..you didn’t need to get that checked out?

 **Gadget:** No, it healed naturally.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** OK.


	162. Hey there demons

**Gadget:** Hey there demons! It’s me, ya boy!


	163. Bye Man

**Gadget:** Is that the bye bye man?

 **Talon:** YOURE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY HIS NAME OH GOD OH FUCK


	164. No I'm Drunk

**Lana:** Hey Gadget how are you doing?

 **Gadget:** I'm drunk.

 **Sue:** You're drunk?! I thought you were on beta blockers, you were driving.... the car.

 **Gadget:** No I'm drunk.


	165. Rage

**Lana and Sue:** [Talking]

 **Gadget:** Hey!

 **Gadget:** Did you arseholes eat all the jalapeño poppers?

**Lana and Sue:**

**Gadget:** Fuck you.


	166. How old

**Gadget:** How old are you again?

**Claw:** 25.

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** This implies that you started this.. M.A.D business when you were..

**Claw:** 16.

**Gadget:** WHERE THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOUR PARENTS

**Claw:** They encouraged it, I was born into a life of crime after all.


	167. Thanks?

**Gadget:** Why are you being so nice to me?

 **Claw:** Cause I want to invest in your hotness.

 **Gadget:** Thanks?


	168. My chickens

**Gadget:** So these two people. Chad and… Chadette just came up to me in Gleaner Heights. They put me off and I really hope they come no where near my farm, especially my chickens,


	169. Snufff these candles out

**Gadget:** As we snuff these candles so too do we snuff you from this mortal world [blows out candles] You fuckin’ wimp.


	170. Please apologize

**Gadget:** [to Claw] Please apologize before my Therapist knows your name.


	171. I was in the Medbay

**Claw:** It’s Gadget, it’s effin’ Gadget. I saw him kill my brother and hop into the vent!

 **Gadget:** Lies, I was in the Medbay doing tasks and taking a scan.


	172. Baked Bean

**Gadget:** Bloody Hell, you’re so tall. You look like a giraffe.

 **Claw:** mhmm, that’s why you’re dead built like a baked bean

 **Gadget:** A baked be- A BAKED BEAN?!


	173. I was RIGHT there!

**Gadget:** It’s Claw, he’s the imposter.

 **Claw:** How– how.. HOW?! HOW COULD IT BE ME?!

 **Gadget:** I saw him.

 **Claw:** But I literally saw you go into the vent! I was RIGHT there!

 **Gadget:** That wasn’t me.


	174. Fuck you Goatman!

**Gadget:** I’m gonna be crude as possible here.

 **Claw:** That’s cool.

 **Gadget:** FUCK YOU GOAT MAN!

 **Claw:** Holy shit.


	175. I broke it

**Gadget:** I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they’ll be at each others throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

 **Gadget:** [Looking at the H.Q/W.O.M.P agents fighting]

 **Gadget:** Good. It was getting a little chummy around here


	176. Claw's kinda sus

**Imposter!Gadget:** Claw is looking kinda suspicious.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** [slams head on bars]


	177. Thanks for the coffee

**Debonair(Claw):** Thanks for the coffee Gadget.

 **Gadget:** [shoving the laxatives into his pocket] Yeah, sure, no problem, luv.


	178. That's a child!

**Claw:** That’s a child!

 **Fidget:** And that’s an ugly pimply bitch!

**Claw:**

**Fidget:** Yep, I’m 7… but, thank you.

 **Claw:** [looks over to Gadget]


	179. Cuz I don’t think you’re gonna like what comes next.

**Claw:** I have this nemesis, that I realy really “like”, some of you may know him as Gadget. He said, and I quote “The only thing I’m into are good people.” and I didn’t have a very good person at the time.

 **Talon:** OK?

 **Claw:** So I worked really hard and I got one, so I went to go show it off to him and then he started screaming, and saying things like “Get away from me, you’re a murderer. How did you carry this human being by your self?” and as he was doing as some would call… ‘escaping’ he turned to me and said “This is the last time you’re ever gonna see me. What do you have to say for yourself?” and I looked at him, and I said, “Do you remember, that you said 'people’ plural? Cuz I don’t think you’re gonna like what comes next."


	180. I'll have what he's having

**Gadget:** [banging his fists on table] HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Gadget:** [pointing at the redlined bulletin board, connecting to M.A.D] HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Undercover M.A.D agent:** I’ll have what he’s having


	181. Would you kiss me?

**Gadget @ Claw:** Are you mad? Are you pissed off? Are you seething right now? Do you wanna duff me up? Would you kiss me?


	182. Bold of you to assume I have skin.

**Gadget:** I’m gonna skin you alive you pratty knob head

 **Claw:** Bold of you to assume I have skin.

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** what.


	183. I will commit felonies.

**Gadget:** This is Josie, she’s my chicken. I own 4 chickens. Diane, Denise, Audrey and Josie.

 **Gadget:** If anything bad happens to them I will commit felonies.


	184. I have a life outside of you,

**Gadget:** Wolf Storm. My old arch enemy.

 **Claw:** I thought I was your arch enemy.

 **Gadget:** I have a life outside of you, Claw.


	185. NOT MY FUCKING KIDS

**Claw:** NOT MY TIME MACHINE!

 **Gadget, raising crowbar:** NOT MY FUCKING KIDS!


	186. I got something you can slip into.

**Gadget:** [straddling a culprit in the interrogation room] I got something you can slip into.

 **Quimby:** GADGET– No!

[Gadget gets off the culprit]

 **Quimby:** No Gadget!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gadget is definitely Janet from Good Place.  
> They both have names ending in et


	187. Ate Glass by Accident

**Sue:** Gadget-

 **Gadget** : I’m busy now. I just ate glass by accident.

 **Sue:** What?

 **Gadget, bleeding from the mouth:** Please leave me alone. I ate ruddy glass.


	188. Not by the Ruddy Law

**Claw:** It's nice to be wanted, y'know.

**Gadget:** NOT BY THE RUDDY LAW


	189. That's oregano, bitch.

**Fidget:** Dad... what's an orgasm?

**Gadget:** .......

**Digit:** It's when you fold paper into birds dumbass

**Fidget:** That's oregano, bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Tik Tok


	190. Dionysus

**Gadget:** How does wine DO what it DOES? I feel sexy. I feel relaxed. I wanna take off my pants and kiss

 **Brenda:** It's the grape

 **Claw:** It's Dionysus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: [Tumblr](https://nobody-is-talking.tumblr.com/post/618599089865637888/its-dionysus)


	191. .. props

**Devon:** Here Gadget let me help you with that

 **Gadget:** No thank y-

 **Devon:** I’m sure the great Inspector would like some help from the greater Devon Debonai- Jesus Christ

 **Gadget:** Not right now I’m busy

 **Devon:** There are body parts in here

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** Those are… props.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Santa Clarita Diet (modified)


	192. ActuallY yes

**Gadget:** How old are you again?

 **Claw:** 17

 **Gadget:** Jesus fucking Christ.

 **Claw:** How old are you?

 **Gadget:** 22!

 **Claw:** Ha you’re old!

 **Gadget:** At least I FINISHED uni, you’re STILL in uni. What’re you gonna do you, become a rich bloke when you turn 19?

 **Claw:** Actually yes.


	193. Go British Boy, Go!

**Gadget:** I fucking HATE working at W.O.M.P and H.Q. The agents try to make me say words like Tuesday and say "Go British Boy, Go!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Twitter


	194. I don’t like Wolf Storm,

**Claw:** I don’t like Wolf Storm, Gadget’s giving her all the attention.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** That should be my attention, also he and I were supposed to have brekky at Geddis & Larrabee’s this arvo, sure, I’m using a potion to change my appearance. But, still


	195. never thrown out

**Gadget:** I am never thrown out, and I never leave quietly. I STALK out, in a HUFF! And then I get REVENGE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Bewitched


	196. You’re completely mad!

**Claw:** You’re completely mad!

 **Gadget, dropping the bag of salt and pulling out an occult book:** Thank goodness I am, because if I wasn’t, this would probably never work!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Watchmen


	197. I need him

**Quimby:** Who are you?

 **Wolf** **Storm:** Gadget's... nemesis... friend. Name's Angelette Boesch.

 **Quimby:** Why are you here?

 **Wolf Storm:**..... I need to borrow... Gadget for a bit. Or a week. I need him.


	198. I’m always negative.

**Gadget:** You’re jealous.

 **Claw:** Jealous?

 **Gadget:** That’s why you were being so negative about this.

 **Claw:** That’s absurd. I’m always negative.

 **Gadget:** About Wolf Storm, my _childhood_ nemesis, coming back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Everything Sucks!


	199. I'm insulting you

**Claw:** I'm crying out of FRUSTRATION, you made me CRY.

 **Gadget:** Baby.

 **Claw:** Now's not the time for pet names!

 **Gadget:** No, I'm calling you a baby.

 **Gadget:** I'm insulting you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Text Message


	200. Fuckity Fuck

**Jone Jared:** Did you throw up a red ball?

 **Gadget:** Yeah I did, hard to see since there was a lot of blood.

 **Jone:** Where do you keep it?

 **Gadget:** In the freezer.

 **Jone:** The freezer? Doesn't it get lonely?

 **Claw:** _Lonely???_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Santa Clarita Diet


	201. Not that bad

**Gadget:** Chief, for the last time, nothing bad happened.

**Quimby:** Gadget, the Abominable Snowbot _iced_ you, and then you threw up what looked like to be 80% of your blood and a small red ball. Then you died for 10 seconds.

**Gadget:** Not _that_ bad.

**Quimby:** Gadget, you _bit_ someone's fingers off, had to wear something that came out of Mad Max and a sign that says "Caution, I bite."


	202. you traded it for a human heart?

**Gadget:** Where’s my other boot?

 **Claw:** I don’t know, is there even the slightest chance you traded it for a human heart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Santa Clarita Diet


	203. What happened to your arm

**Gadget:** Hey, you're Claw's nephew right?

**Talon:** Yes I am- What happened to your arm?!

**Gadget:** Haha, I got too close to a bomb. Can you help me twist and pop this back into place?

**Talon:** Yeah sure. [passes out]

**Gadget:** Shit


	204. Are worse

**Gadget:** Sometimes... things that are expensive... are worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo


	205. Something special

**Claw:** YOU’RE FIGHTING HER?! I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL

 **Wolf Storm:** Gadget, who is this?

 **Claw:** I’M HIS NEMESIS YOU STUPID BAGEL

 **Gadget:** Oh, are you here for your 400th loss, luv?

 **Claw:** IT’S 384 DICKHEAD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sources:  
> [writing-ideas-inc](https://writing-ideas-inc.tumblr.com/post/625561881856393216/dialogue-prompt)  
> [yourmajestyarrived](https://yourmajestyarrived.tumblr.com/post/624094648288362496/oh-are-you-here-for-your-400th-loss-it-is-384)


	206. Mhmm, I'm so hungry

**Gadget:** I love how Hannibal isn't one of those "I eat people so they're with me forever." Dumb Bitches.

 **MAD Agent:** What-

 **Gadget, hanging from the ceiling over a piranha tank:** He's just like "Mhmm, I'm so hungry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: [Sleeqybug](https://sleeqybug.tumblr.com/post/631362976361988096/im-glad-hannibal-isnt-one-of-those-i-eat-people)


	207. Life of Gadget

**Kramer:** There's one thing, that's actually going on here. OK?

 **Gadget:** Is it pizza?

******Kramer:**

**Gadget:** _Is it weed?_

\---

 **Gadget:** Should've taken an uber.

 **** **Lana:** It's a two and a half hour drive!

 **Gadget:** I have the money

\---

 **Gadget:** I'm always prepared, unless of course prepared means sober. Which in that case, I'm rarely prepared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo


	208. Wait for you

**Sanford** : What am I supposed to do while you're gone

 **John** : ... What do you usually do when I'm gone

 **Sanford** : Wait for you to come back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Spongebob


	209. Call you Mine

**Claw:** [to Gadget] Do you have a name… Or can I call you MINE?

 **Gadget:** And this, folks. Is why you don't let anyone become a villain at 16, cheesy pickup lines.


	210. Just say the word

**Claw** : Just say the word, Gadget. You know i’d do anything for you.

**Gadget:** How about stop your bullshit. I haven't gotten any proper sleep in 9 years


	211. Burn the House down

**Gadget:** What is one thing I told you not to do? 

**Dactyl:** Burn the house down. 

**Gadget:** And what did you do? 

**Dactyl:** Made you dinner. 

**Gadget:**

**Dactyl:**

**Dactyl:** ...And burnt the house down.


	212. I'd use my hands

**Claw:** Are you TRYING to kill me?

 **Gadget:** Darling, if I wanted to kill you, I'd use my hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last one was based on Fried Green Tomatoes


	213. How romantic

**Claw** : I can’t stop thinking about you, not matter how hard I try not to.

 **Gadget** : [deadpan tone] How romantic.


	214. Make that a no

**Talon:** You doing OK, Mr. G?

**Gadget:** Mentally? No. Physically yes- [starts coughing up blood]

**Talon:**

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** Make that a no on the physically.


	215. Would you be mad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: Christopher's death will be an accident in the comic, this is just shitposting.

**Gadget:** Cristopher, would you be mad if I shoved you off this building and made it look like an accident?

 **Cristopher:** Yes, brother, I will be mad. We are 12 stories up, on the roof and- why are you looking at me like that?

 **Gadget:** Eat dirt, you dumb fuck.


	216. DO I LOOK LIKE

**Fidget:** Dada?

**Claw:**

**Claw:** DO I LOOK LIKE-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Vine


	217. How?!

**Gadget:** How can Fidget and Digit be related to me!? I never did the bloody bedtime tango with anyone!

 **Fidget:** What's bedtime tango?

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** I-... no.


	218. How British People Shower

**Gadget:** How British people shower

 **Gadget, in the** **shower:** Same as you ya idiot! First we get nice 'n wet, then we get the tea bags-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Vine


	219. In a Fight

**Teacher:** Fidget was in a fight.

 **Claw:** Oh no, that’s terrible!

 **Gadget:** Did he win?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: [IncorrectQuotesIdeas](https://incorrectquotesideas.tumblr.com/post/632885636071899136/teacher-your-child-was-in-a-fight-parent-1-oh)


	220. What would you do

**Quimby:** Pretty sure I just got glass in my foot.

 **Brenda:** Take it out

 **Nozzaire:** No, leave eet een. Livens up ze place.

 **Apollo:** Quimby's foot is so boring. Quimby, if someone asked me my top three most boring additions to this world, I'd say your foot that you have to shank with glass so people find it interesting.

 **Gadget:** Quimby, mate, are you OK?

 **Brenda:** He's gone into shock! Quimby respond!

 **Quimby:** What would you do if I died of glassy foot, and that was the last thing you ever said to me.

 **Brenda:** I-

 **Quimby:** What if I got so mad, that I forgot there was glass in it, and stamped my foot and it shot up to my brain and _died._

[someone laughing in another room, before an abrupt stop and a yelp]  
**Kramer:** [opening the door] I laughed too hard and felt the back of my neck click. Help me, I'm scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Facebook group   
> message


	221. Crunchy Blood vessel

**Gadget:** Found out that blood vessels are crunchy. Might kill a man and eat him soon.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** WE’RE IN AN INTERROGATION ROOM.


	222. Chihuahua

**Gadget:** I will tear out your larynx and eat it in front of you. Ya ruddy git.  
 **Claw:** You're the equivalent of a chihuahua to a tall person, your size prevents you from killing anyone taller than you by 7 inches or more.


	223. No he cannot

**Sue:** Gadget can have a little dry ice. As a treat.  
 **Lana:** No, he cannot.


	224. It's unbelievable

**Constantine:** Me and Gadget have so much parental trauma

**Gadget:** That it's unbelievable!

[both Gadget and Constantine shake hands]


	225. My Blood

**Gadget:** I can confirm that I am not a vampire as I have blood.

 **Talon:** Is it your blood?

 **Gadget:** It is blood, yes.

 **Talon:** Is it blood that has always belonged to you, from the moment of your spawning?

 **Gadget:** It is blood, it is in my possession, therefore it is my blood.


	226. What do you gain

**Gadget:** I love you!  
 **Claw:** Really?  
 **Gadget, holding MAD Cat:** I was talking to Sniffy, but, love you too.  
 **Claw:**  
\---  
 **Claw @ MAD Cat:** You keep doing this, what do you gain from this.


	227. We don't have any

**Gadget:** You want to hear about our special?

**Gadget:**

**Gadget, setting cocktail shaker down:** We don’t have any,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Fire Walk With Me


	228. That I'm not Gos

**Gadget:** Everyone asks me if I’m a satanist but it’s pretty bold of you wee little gits to assume that I’m not God!


	229. Dismembered Body

**Lucien:** Why are you making me wear this? Are these *blood* stains!?

 **Gadget:** I used it to wrap up a dismembered body, what of it, mate?

 **Lucien:** DISMEMBERED BODY?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucien: Hermès? [unwraps coat] Is this... a bloodstain inside?
> 
> Gadget: That? I used it to wrap up a dismembered body of some bloke.
> 
> Lucien: A DISMEMBERED BODY!?


	230. Congrats

**Gadget:** Pedicabo ego vos (Fuck you)

 **Devon Debonaire:** What?

 **Gadget:** Congratulations on the Crimey award.


	231. Bad Ideas

**Gadget:** Guys, I think we should split up. We’ll cover more ground that way.

 **Penny:** Good idea.

[Gadget leaves]

 **Penny, to Talon:** Uncle Gadget is full of terrible ideas. Let’s not split up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: The New Kids on The Rock


	232. Stupid in spades

**Claw:** I got to admit, I never thought you'd do anything this stupid.

**Gadget:** I'm Inspector Gadget. I do stupid in spades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Constantine


	233. That won't work

**Talon:** So, now what? We knock on the door?

 **Gadget:** No, that never works.

 **Talon:** Why not?

 **Gadget:** Oh, hello, we tracked an evil spirit to your house. It might be inside your kid. Do you mind if we take a look?

 **Talon:** Yeah, that won't work.

 **Gadget:** No.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Constantine


	234. im not pregnant

[Brenda socks Gadget in the abdomen as he curses in pain]

**Brenda:** You are one of my very best friends, and I cannot stand by and watch you throw away your life like this. You’re too young! You’re so beautiful!

**Gadget:** W—hat the fuck are y—ou tal—king about?

**Brenda:** I’m talking about the baby that’s growing inside of your belly right now.

**Gadget, unable to do anything baby making related because all of his insides were replaced with metal:** I’m not pregnant!

**Brenda:** Not after that punch you're not. I’ve been taking multi-classes

**Gadget:** I was never pregnant, Brenda!

**Brenda:** I… are you sure?

**Gadget:** Yes I’m fucking sure!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Most Popular Girls in School


	235. Matrinomy

**MADison:** Please, Dr. Claw. You loathe-slash-love Gadget. And he loathes-slash-loves you back, which is pretty much one step away from matrimony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Falling for You


	236. Kinky

**Sanford:** Handcuffs? Wow, you’re kinky…

**John:**

**John:** First off, I’m a cop. And secondly, you’re being placed under arrest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source:  
> <https://incorrectquotesideas.tumblr.com/post/181357170043/person-a-handcuffs-wow-youre-kinky-person-b>


	237. Gift to this world

**Sue:** Help, I’m trapped under the tree. The star’s tangled in my hair.

 **Lana:** Why were you under the tree?

**Sue:**

**Sue:** …because I’m a gift to this world?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: Tumblr


	238. Cup

**Gadget:** Here you are Skip, nice hot cup of coffee.

 **Quimby:** Oh, it’s cold.

 **Gadget:** Nice cup of coffee.

 **Quimby:** It’s horrible!

 **Gadget:** Cup of coffee.

 **Quimby:** I’m not even sure it is coffee.

 **Gadget:** Cup.


	239. Load of Bollocks

**Gadget, held captive and tied to a chair at MAD Academy:** Someone give me a cigarette

 **Talon:** Wait- we don't smoke.

 **Malicous:** Yeah!

 **Gadget:** What a load of bollocks, I'm an Inspector and part-time exorcist. I know that one in five teenagers smoke. Now, when I close my eyes there better be an effin' cigarette in between my lips.


	240. This probably takes place in 2013

**Claw:** Hey look what I did in class today!

 **Gadget:** These are paper boats and you’re a college student.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: <https://incorrectquotesideas.tumblr.com/post/632704320037634048/person-a-hey-look-what-i-did-in-class>


	241. Barbaric

**Claw:** Completely barbaric.

 **Gadget, tied up and bound to a chair:** That’s what I said!!

 **Claw:** Only I can kidnap you!

 **Gadget:** What?


	242. lactose

**Gadget:** Aren't you lactose intolerant, luv?

 **Claw:** This isn't lactose. It's milk.


	243. This is a Mall

**Claw:**

**Gadget:**

**Claw:** So we meet again.

 **Gadget:** This is a mall.


	244. Wanna Kiss?

**Claw:**

**Claw:** Wanna kiss?

 **Gadget:** I’M LITERALLY ARRESTING YOU RIGHT NOW!

 **Claw:** IT’S JUST A FUCKIN’ SUGGESTION


	245. Laura Palmer

**Gadget:** Sometimes I feel like Laura Palmer, people love me, I get along with them very well. But, when ever I show any ‘bad’ emotions or signs that I’m struggling or in trouble,they turn a blind eye. I guess it goes to show that people will take you for granted and take advantage of you when given the chance.

**Talon:**

**Talon:** Well we have a LOT to unpack here.


	246. My Therapist

**Gadget:** My therapist says I was traumatized. But my body mass index begs to differ. Look, there they are right now!

 **Philip:** John, being in a constant state of denial is unhealthy.

 **Gadget:**

**Gadget:** Phillip's great,


	247. If we get caught

**Gadget, smuggling Claw into a mall:** Remember, if we get caught, I’m deaf, and yuh don’t speak English.

 **Claw:** But I can speak English though.

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** Don’t you speak French or Italian something?


	248. English Business

**Gadget:** I'm a master of disguise. I've got a voice modulator, clothes, feet boosters, wigs, basically cosplay stuff.

**Talon:**

**Talon:** So you're just... going to a convention.

 **Gadget:** No, I'm going to trick your uncle into thinking that I am an English Businessman.


	249. Blinded yourself!

**Claw:** You bloody boofhead you've gone and blinded yourself!

 **Gadget, laughing:** Absobloodylutely, luv!

 **Claw:** _HOW_

 **Gadget:** Fucked around with chemicals and I didn't wear googles 'cause I thought it was a load of bollocks to wear one. I'm Inspector Gadget after all. I do stupid in packets of ten. I'm _stupid in style._

 **Claw:** You idiot! I can't fight a blind person!

 **Gadget:** If I had a retractable stick and swung it around aimlessly without knowing my surroundings, would you fight me then? 


	250. Nephews are here

**Gadget, signing:** Y'know what’s hot? Vampires.

 **Philip, signing back:** I want to give you a pin that says “monsterlover”, but all I got are pins that say “I screw monsters, certified monsterf-er”

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** Y'know you don’t have to censor the word f-

 **Philip:** My nephews are here.

 **Gadget:** Ah.


	251. Make him open his eyes | I don't understand, I'm blind

**Claw:** [signing his evil plans]

 **Gadget:** [closes his eyes]

 **Claw:** Shit. Talon make him open his eyes

__

 **Claw, monologing in sign language:** We’re going to steal City Hall

 **Gadget:** I don’t understand. I’m blind.

 **Claw:** Bullshit.


	252. Cheeseburger in the mail box

**Claw:** Bitch

 **Claw:** Cheeseburger in the mailbox


	253. machete your way though this!

**Gadget, patting Claw on the shoulder:** Don't worry you ruddy behemoth, you'll machete your way though this!

 **Gadget:** Wait- make, god damn it. Don't machete your way through this, luv.

 **Claw, picking up a machete:** Too late, darling.


	254. What's the one thing I told you not to do

**Gadget:** What's the one thing I told you NOT to do, luv?

 **Claw:** Do crime and other atrocities.

 **Gadget:** What exactly did you do?

 **Claw:** Darling, I bought you companies, anything you could've asked for!

 **Gadget:** _Sanford Irving Scolex_.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** and did crime.


	255. Pin me Down?

**Claw, pointing at Gadget:** This man is tiny, angry, worst of all he’s British.

 **Gadget:** At least I can go through places without saying “AGGH MY BACK.” because I’m not a bleedin’ behemoth,

**Claw:**

**Claw:** If I wanted to I could punt you. But I’m not gonna. I will do something though.

 **Gadget:** Watcha gonna do? Pin me down?


	256. Doctor Lanky Legs

**Claw:** We meet again Gadget

 **Gadget:** Shut it Doctor Lanky Legs

**Claw:**

**Claw:** What the fuck did you just call me


	257. he’s gonna win.

**Gadget:** On our side we have facts, science, and reason… maybe less reason. All Claw has is fear-mongering and _lies._

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** _Bloody Hell_ , he’s gonna win.


	258. Are you drunk

**Claw:** Are you drunk?

 **Gadget, holding wine as wine splashes out of his mouth:** You SOUND like me FaTHER.

 **Claw:** Jesus Christ.

 **Gadget, tilting wine cup:** Can I get you a drink? Ya MONSTER


	259. all my life

**Gadget:** Turns out I’m actually 5'3". For all my life doctors tell me I was 5'5"

 **Penny:** That’s because you wore your shoes when the doctor was measuring your height


	260. Bulls wool

**Claw:** Today I am 25, next year, 26. Year after that, 27. See how fucked this is?  
What's next? 28, that's bull's wool.


	261. Memory with Truama

**Gadget:** Memory with trauma is just, being born, being 7 for a wee bit, and then I'm 31... I think that's very sexy of me.


	262. Sluts

**Gadget:** [drinks from a wine bottle]

 **Gadget:** Sluts

 **Gadget:** [walks away]


	263. Meanwhile in 2014

**Claw, in handcuffs:** FINE! Arrest me! Lock me away in the worst prisons in Riverton if you will! But one of these days you're gonna be my wife John.

 **Gadget:** Get in the ruddy car ya big lug.

 **Claw:** You hear me John! My wife!


	264. Somehwere in 2046

**Penny:** Claw, will you taste this batter?

 **Claw:** Mm-hmm. Hmm. I think it's a little off.

 **Penny:** You know what's off? Your mouth! Why Uncle Gadget lets your stupid tongue anywhere near him, I'll never know- Nope, I forgot the sugar. That's on me.


	265. great ideas

**Gadget:** I have hundreds of great ideas and only 10 of them’s gotten me offed.

 **Penny:** NO! No more ideas from you!

 **Gadget:** Bugger.


	266. white as a sheet

**Penny:** You seem white as a sheet, what’s happened?

 **Talon:** I just walked into your uncle sitting on my uncle’s desk with my uncle who is not on the desk.

 **Penny:** Then what did my uncle do?

 **Talon:** He called told me my uncle was a “ruddy knobhead” then told me to leave.


	267. you're laughing

**Claw:** You’re laughing… Gadget called me Doctor Lanky Legs… and you’re LAUGHING


	268. Waterboarding your brother

**Claw:** Ok… what’s going on here?

 **Gadget, strapping Thaw down on a table under a sink:** I’m waterboarding your arsehole brother, what’s it to ya, luv?


	269. Demon Cat

**Claw:** Your 'cat', Fluffy, isn't a fuckin' cat at all. She's a god damn demon! Literally!

**Gadget:** I know, I stole her from Hell myself.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** _What_


	270. Ignore personal space

**Gadget:** Do we have to sit like this? There’s a whole other side of couch right there!

 **Claw:** I ignore personal space.


	271. I would maim

**Claw:** Oh please, you wouldn't hurt a fly.

 **Gadget:** You're right. Because a fly is an innocent creature that never knowingly did anything to anybody. You, however, I would maim.


	272. old friend

**Gadget:** Do you see how passive-aggressive he is? Whenever he says 'old friend' he's really saying 'fuck you'!

 **Claw:** That's untrue!

**Claw:**

**Claw:** Old friend...


	273. Fuck you

**Claw, on the phone w/ Gadget:** First of all, you ignored MAD Cat dressed up as Santa.   
So fuck you. Secondly–

 **Gadget:** *hangs up* I’m too tired for this.


	274. I don't.

**Penny:** Talon, my uncle is blind now.

 **Talon** **:** I see...

 **Gadget, waving around a long stick:** I don't.


	275. Fire

**Claw:** We’re boyfriends!

 **Gadget:** I’m gonna set you on fire.


	276. Feel like God

**Gadget:** Y'know we have a confession to make! We made up those songs on the spot!

 **Claw:** Also we killed a man together 7 years ago at a party.

 **Gadget:** We wanted to feel like God!


	277. My mother never gave me anythng

**Brenda:** Come on! Shake what your mama gave ya!

 **Gadget:** My mum was the most selfish person I ever met. She never gave me anything!

 **Brenda:** Alright! Jesus...


	278. On what app?

**Christopher:** Yeah I have a ton of followers

 **Claw:** Oh, on what app?

 **Christopher:** App? I'm the leader of a cult,

 **Claw:**

**Claw:** Suddenly I have to go.


	279. We're brothers

**Christopher:** I know I got you hospitalized and you had to become gadgetfied, but come on! We're brothers!

 **Gadget:** Shut up, I'll bury you alive.


	280. Chapter 280

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> takes place in 2015, again.

**Claw, holding Gadget's hat:** Hahaha!

 **Gadget, trying to reach:** Give it back ya big lug!

 **Claw:** First you gotta say my name!

 **Gadget:** Alright! Big Daddy, now c'mon give it back-

**Claw:**

**Claw:** My name's Sanford..


	281. I can't believe he said no

**Claw:** I can't believe Gadget said no.

 **Dactyl:** Yeah because... you framed his sister for murder!


	282. If i'm not a bush

**Gadget, high on anaesthesia:** 'm a bush.

 **Brenda:** John! We gotta get you home!

 **Gadget:** I'm a bush...

 **Dactyl:** You're a bush!

 **Gadget:** I'm a ruddy bush.

 **Brenda, pulling Gadget back:** We gotta get you home.

 **Brenda, trying to get Gadget in the car:** Get in!

 **Gadget:** Why don't you under stand that 'm a bush.

 **Βrenda, to Dactyl:** Apollo can you help me?

 **Gadget:** If 'm not a bush, then I'm not no one. [flops down onto a bush]


	283. Water or wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> human Gadgetinis again

**Gadget:** [sipping cup]

 **Fidget:** Is theres water or wine in there, dad?

 **Gadget:** It's water... it's 9 AM! 


	284. Vandalism is wrong

**Penny:** [trying to open door to MAD base] Ah, it's locked

 **Gadget, picking up crowbar and smashing the window:** Fixed the problem.

**Penny:**

**Penny:** Vandalism is wrong, Uncle Gadget.

 **Gadget:** I'm a licensed vandalist

 **Penny:** That doesn't exist, and neither does a "licensed arsonist"


	285. Mormons are helpful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Australian and a British bloke lie

**Claw:** Right, we say we came across the murder site and we're tidying it up.

 **Gadget:** Who the bloody hell cleans up murder sites?

 **Claw:** Hell if I know. We're Mormons I guess?

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** Mormons don't clean up murder sites.

 **Claw:** Mormons are damn helpful.


	286. Ashes

**Dactyl:** Heyheyhey hey Gadget!! I'm Talon's dad! How's he gonna feel when he sees you beating me up!

 **Gadget, raising his fist:** YOU SPILT my GRANDPA'S ASHES into the soup and MIXED IT IN! You MADE ME EAT MY GRANDPA'S ASHES YOU BLOODY TWIT!

 **Dactyl:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, CAN WE NOT RESORT TO VIOLENCE, PLEASE!?


	287. Taken u down

**Claw:** When I was 6 I didn't even know what cryogenics was.

 **Gadget:** We are not the same

 **Claw:** Perhaps not, but, when I was 6 I could've taken you down.


	288. Are you mad?

**Penny:** Uncle Gadget, are you mad?

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** No....

 **Penny:** So sharpening knives at 2 AM is just a hobby?


	289. Emotional Support Villain

**Gadget:** Excuse me sir, that's my emotional support villain.

 **Claw:** It's cute that you think of me that way and at the same time concerning.


	290. Get bababooied

**Claw:** I hate Gadget so much, he sneaks into my secret base, calls my name and EVERY TIME I look at him he LAUGHS and says "Get bababooied" and RUNS off.


	291. Trauma

**Gadget 1:** I think most of my issues come from betrayal. You know? The lady I loved turned out to be an agent of MAD. Where do you think your trauma stems from?

**Gadget 2:** Hmm... Might be that time where my brother slit open my throat while I just sustained head trauma, and left me to die in my own laboratory, which ended up in me getting gadgetfied by my own gadget project that was never meant to be in a human, due to how it is. Without my permission too, my niece was too young to sign a consent form and my entire family was presumed dead.

**Gadget 1:**

**Gadget 1:** I... yeah-- I think that might be it.


	292. Rude Dream

**Gadget:** I had a very rude dream last night. Some disembodied voice said. "Hey, wanna hear a funny joke, luv?" I'm a fan of most jokes and do what voices tell me to do in my dreams. So I say "Sure, mate." Then my 8 AM alarm goes off. Prat.


	293. Still 0

**Claw:** I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you

 **Gadget:** 10 times 0 is still 0, luv.

 **Claw:** Jokes on you, I can't do math


	294. Faster than Shaving

**Claw:** Gadget! My face is on fire!

 **Gadget:** Claw! Are you ok?!

 **Claw:** Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.

 **Gadget:** But your face _is_ on fire.

 **Claw:** Yes. It's much faster than shaving.


	295. Always Running

**Claw:** Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?

 **Gadget:** Oh, I’m always running

 **Gadget:** The question is from what


	296. Festive

**Gadget:** I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be knackered so lets go for 12 more just incase.

 **Penny:** Uncle Gadget, that's a coma.

 **Gadget:** Sounds festive.


	297. systemic oppression

**Gadget, in a high voice, holding barbie:** hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

 **Claw, in a deep voice, holding ken:** nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

 **Wolf Storm:** what the fuck are you guys doing?

 **Gadget:** playing systemic oppression


	298. Height of Stupidity

**Claw:** In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

 **Wolf Storm:** *turning to Gadget* How tall are you?


	299. 63 cents

**Wolf** **Storm:** If you had to choose between Claw and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

 **Gadget:** That depends, how much money are we taking about?

 **Claw:** Gadget!!

 **Wolf Storm:** 63 cents.

 **Gadget:** I'll take the money.

 **Claw:** **_GADGET_** ** _!!!_**


	300. Call Wolf Storm

**Claw:** Why are you on the floor?

 **Gadget:** I'm depressed.

 **Gadget:** Also I was stabbed, can you get Wolf Storm, please.


	301. Know too much

**Claw:** I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

 **Gadget:** You people already know too much about me.

 **Wolf Storm:** I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.


	302. Two Idiots!

**Gadget, to Claw:** My life is in the hands of an idiot!

 **Claw, motioning to himself and Wolf Storm:** No no no no no, TWO idiots!


	303. Unsupervised

**Gadget:** In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

**Claw:** Wasn't Wolf Storm with you?

**Wolf Storm:** In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.


	304. Ghosts only I can see

**Gadget:** Goodnight moon.

 **Gadget:** Goodnight tree.

 **Gadget:** Goodnight ghosts that only I can see.


	305. Nice try tosser

**Gadget:** If I'm really as unhinged as you say I am, then have the gods strike me down where I stand.

*Lightning strikes Gadget*

 **Gadget:** Ha! Nice try, tosser! Next time, give it your A-game!


	306. See a doctor

**Brenda:** Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.

**Gadget:** I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.


	307. HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKEN’ STAIRS.

**Gadget:** *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.

*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*

**Claw:** *Out of breath* HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKEN’ STAIRS.


	308. Have I threatened you before?

**Gadget:** You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?


	309. questionable morals.

**Gadget:** I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.


	310. severe psychological distress

**Gadget:** So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress


	311. Haven’t decided yet

**Gadget:** When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven’t decided yet' is typically a good response.


	312. First off, I'm way taller.

**Shapeshifter:** *transforms to look like Gadget*

 **Gadget:** Okay, are you bloody BLIND? You look nothing like me. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.


	313. Take me to the hospital.

**Gadget:** You wanna see how hardcore I am?

 **Gadget:** *slams head against wall*

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** Take me to the hospital.


	314. PROBABLY no spiders in this headset.

**Gadget, playing a VR game:** You see, that’s the thing. It PROBABLY is fine. It’s PROBABLY 100% okay. There are PROBABLY no spiders in this headset.

 **Gadget:** BUT- as you may be able to relate to- If you find a spider in your headset, and then have to put that headset on to play video games...

 **Gadget:** YoU jUsT dOnT gEt ToO cOMfOrTaBlE.


	315. Schrödinger’s cat is overrated.

**Gadget:** Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.


	316. 'Mate! I'm barely even a PERSON!'

**Gadget:** People are always asking me if I'm a morning person or a night person.

 **Gadget:** And I'm just like, 'Mate! I'm barely even a PERSON!'


	317. What doesn't kill me should run

**Gadget:** What doesn't kill me should run, because now I'm fucking pissed.


	318. Kramer fell off!

**Cop:** You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. 

**Gadget:** Shit. 

**Brenda:** Wait, three? 

**Cop:** Yeah? 

**Penny:** OH MY GOD KRAMER FELL OFF!!!


	319. Time is a construct.

**Penny:** Everyone, synchronize your watches.

 **Talon:** I don’t know how to do that.

 **Kayla:** I don’t wear a watch.

 **Gadget:** Time is a construct.


	320. Take that back

**Gadget:** *Gently taps table*

 **Claw:** *Taps back*

 **Wolf** **Storm:** What are they doing?

 **Brenda:** Morse code.

 **Gadget:** *Aggressively taps table*

 **Claw:** *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-


	321. answering his phone

**Brenda:** Claw isn’t answering his phone

 **Gadget:** I’ll call

 **Kramer:** Brenda and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

 **Claw:** Hello?


	322. if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

**Gadget:** There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

**Penny:**

**Kramer:**

**Brenda:**

**Everyone Else At Gadget’s Surprise Birthday Party:**

**Penny:** All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.


	323. You know those things will kill you, right?

**Penny:** You know those things will kill you, right?

 **Brenda, pouring another glass of whiskey:** That’s the point.

 **Claw, smoking a cigarette:** We’re trying to speed up the process.

 **Gadget:** *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*


	324. I’ll make you eat your remaining arm.

**Gadget:** Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.

 **Brenda:** No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!

 **Wolf Storm:** Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!

 **Claw:** Ha, self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.

 **Gadget:** If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your remaining arm.


	325. Is stabbing someone immoral

**Gadget:** Is stabbing someone immoral?

 **Claw:** Not if they consent to it.

 **Wolf** **Storm:** Depends who you’re stabbing.

 **Brenda:** YES?!?


	326. Is IT mE Gadget?

**Gadget:** Tonight, one of you will betray us.

 **Kramer:** Is it me, Gadget?

 **Gadget:** No, it’s not you.

 **Wolf** **Storm:** Is it me, Gadget?

 **Gadget:** It’s not you either.

 **Brenda:** Is it me, Gadget?

**Gadget:**

**Gadget, mockingly:** Is IT mE Gadget?


	327. Credit Card

**Gadget:** We need to get through this locked door. Claw, give me your credit card.

 **Claw:** Here.

 **Gadget, pocketing it:** Thanks. Wolf Storm, kick down the door.


	328. Specific

**Gadget:** Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

 **Claw:** Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.


	329. No one's

**Gadget:** Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died

 **Claw:** Twelve, actually.

 **Gadget:** Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?

 **Claw:** Yours!

 **Gadget:** That's right: no one's.


	330. This will do

**Gadget:** I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.

**Claw:** Only if you also don't ask why

**Claw:** *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.

**Gadget:**

**Claw:**

**Gadget:** This one is fine


	331. Chapter 331

**Gadget, struggling to keep upright in his 1 inch heels:** Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me

 **Claw, pointing at him and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels:** WEAK.


	332. What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

**Claw:** You often use humor to deflect trauma

 **Gadget:** Thank you

 **Claw:** I didn't say that was a good thing

 **Gadget:** What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny


	333. Chapter 333

**Brenda:** Violence isn't the answer.

 **Gadget:** You’re right.

 **Brenda:** *sighs in relief*

 **Gadget:** Violence is the question

 **Brenda:** What?

 **Gadget, bolting away:** And the answer is yes.

 **Brenda, running after him:** NO-


	334. Chapter 334

**Claw:** Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Gadget's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out...


	335. Social Construct

**Gadget:** What’s up guys? I’m back.

 **Claw:** What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

 **Gadget:** Death is a social construct.


	336. Locally Sourced Skeleton

**Claw:** Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!

 **Gadget:** Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!


	337. Centaur = Insects

**Claw:** We need to distract these guys

 **Gadget:** Leave it to me

 **Gadget:** Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

 **Brenda, Dactyl, and Thaw:** *Immediately begin arguing*

 **Kramer, watching in horror:** Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.


	338. What the fuck is wrong with you people.

**Gadget:** Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

 **Claw:** This knife is actually a magic wand.

 **Thaw:** Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.

 **Benda:** *cocks gun* Magic missile.

 **Kramer:** What the fuck is wrong with you people.


	339. Emotional vulnerability.

**Gadget:** What’s something you guys are better than Claw at? 

**Thaw:** Mario Kart. 

**Benda:** Yeah, video games. 

**Kramer:** Emotional vulnerability.


	340. I have other friends!

**Gadget:** We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

 **Claw:** ... Your what?

 **Gadget:** My friends.

 **Thaw:** Are they saying “friends”?

 **Benda:** I think they're being sarcastic.

 **Kramer:** No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Gadget! All of your friends are in this room.

 **Gadget:** I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.


	341. I wasn't that drunk

**Claw:** Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.

 **Kramer:** You were flirting with Gadget.

 **Claw:** So what? He's my partner.

 **Kramer:** You asked them if he was single.

**Claw:**

**Sykes:** And then you cried when he said he wasn't.


	342. William Snakepeare

**Gadget, holding a python:** Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

 **Claw:** You did WHAT–

 **Dactyl:** William Snakepeare


	343. One Millions

**Claw, negotiating with Brenda:** We have Gadget. Give us ten thousand dollars and he will be returned to you unharmed

 **Gadget:** Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I’m only worth ten thousand dollars?

**Claw:**

**Gadget:** MAKE IT ONE MILLION–

 **Claw:** GADGET STOP


	344. I wanna steal

**Claw:** Um, Wolf Storm, why are you pretending I'm this guy's family?

**Wolf Storm:** We need money!

**Claw:** You're scamming him?

**Wolf** **Storm:** I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him?

**Claw:** What?! No way!

**Wolf** **Storm:** Why not? We already stole Gadget!

**Gadget:** Hey guys

**Claw:** No, we didn't. Gadget can think and talk for himself, he can do whatever he wants!

**Gadget:** I wanna steal


	345. but I feel safer in jail

*Claw and Archie sitting in jail together*

 **Archie:** So who should we call?

 **Claw:** I’d call Gadget, but I feel safer in jail


	346. Put the bandage back on.

**Claw:** I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it

 **Wolf Storm:** Just rip the bandage off.

 **Claw:** It’s Gadget.

 **Wolf Storm:** Put the bandage back on.


	347. Time and effort

**Claw:** If Wolf Storm and I were drowning, who would you save?

 **Gadget:** You two can’t swim?

 **Wolf Storm:** It’s a hypothetical question, Gadget! who would you save?

 **Gadget:** my time and effort.


	348. Could do that

**Claw:** What do you think Gadget will do for a distraction?

 **Wolf Storm:** He'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

 **Wolf** **Storm:** ... or he could do that.


	349. Steering wheel

**Claw:** Gadget and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

 **Wolf** **Storm:** *Sighing* What did Gadget do?

 **Claw:** He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

 **Gadget:** Who wants a steering wheel?


	350. Where’s Gadget?

**Claw:** Hey Penny,

 **Penny:** Yes?

 **Claw:** Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

**Penny:**

**Penny:** Where’s Gadget?


	351. Monopoly

**Gadget:** You lying, cheating, piece of shite!

 **Claw:** Oh yeah? You’re the boofhead who thinks you can get away with everything ya do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

 **Gadget:** I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ARCHIE WITH ME.

 **Brenda, picking up the monopoly board:** I think we’re gonna stop playing now.


	352. He got Kramer

**Gadget:** Why is Claw so sad?

 **Archie:** He took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

 **Gadget:** And...?

 **Archie:** He got Kramer.


	353. you'd be dead.

**Gadget:** God, give me patience.

 **Claw:** I think you mean 'give me strength'.

 **Gadget:** If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.


	354. Death isn’t real,

**Gadget:** I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

 **Claw:** I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.

 **Gadget:** Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.


	355. You drank each other's slushies?

**Gadget:** Why are your tongues purple?

 **Lana:** We had slushies. I had a blue one.

 **Sue:** I had a red one.

 **Gadget:** oh

**Gadget:**

**Gadget:** OH

**Claw:**

**Claw:** You drank each other's slushies?


	356. Stop romanticizing the past.

**Claw:** Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

 **Gadget:** Stop romanticizing the past.


	357. Remorse code

**Claw:** .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]

 **Gadget:** What's that?

 **Claw:** Remorse code.

 **Gadget:** I'm even angrier now.


	358. This is a mistake

**Claw:** This is a mistake

 **Gadget, enthusiastically:** A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

 **Claw:** But not today

 **Gadget, still enthusiastic:** Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess


	359. I wrote sanitize

**Claw:** Gadget... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

 **Gadget:** Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.

**Claw:**

**Claw:** I wrote sanitize, Gadget

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my IG fanart! (I'll do silly quotes sometimes to song based stuff)  
> [https://dovahcourts.tumblr.com/tagged/Inspector-Gadget-fanart](https://dovahcourts.tumblr.com/post/190971853380/if-youre-doing-the-expressions-meme-gadget-in) (for some reason mobile tumblr doesn't like the spaces in between tags, also not all of my IG art appears on the Inspector Gadget fanart tag and the Inspector Gadget art tag, so use the Just my Art tag)
> 
> I also have a doc abt my IG universe [ https://docs.google.com/document/d/12KX4T6ESR23BaB2pmLuysBQPMUGvYMJ6S3f0i6NoZYY](https://docs.google.com/document/d/12KX4T6ESR23BaB2pmLuysBQPMUGvYMJ6S3f0i6NoZYY)


End file.
